On Roots and Bulbs Rhyming with the Color Orange

I awoke, as I often do, last morning (Ignoring the obvious, awkward meshing of tenses in that past sentence, I'd like to take a moment to point out the absolute gruff, sloshing, equally awkward feel that phrase - last morning - leaves. Why, my dear reader, must I be constrained to saying every single time I wish to refer to that bit of temporal relativity by 'yesterday morning.').

There was a bitter nicety laying at my feet (I once read an article claiming that obtusely ambiguous contrasts were a sign of a writer trying to be far 'deeper' than he/she actually was/is/are and therefore, I have left you with 'bitter nicety').

I raised the trinket to my lips and realized shortly thereafter that, "I am experiencing something" (Quotations make that sentence grammatically correct.).

Unfortunately, it appeared to be poison (how did it appear to be poison?). A good question my dear reader (wait, I thought he was only breaking the fourth wall in parenthesis). It was green (disregarding my incredulity I see). In retrospect, I suppose I should have noticed the green to begin with, thereby avoiding the use of unfortunately at the beginning of this paragraph (wait... what?). Essentially, I am saying that I was poisoned, and I only knew I was poisoned because the drink was green (Oh.).

I soon began choking. I reached for my rescue inhaler and used it to deliver myself an emergency trakeotomy (Spelling is unimportant). Those things have incredibly sharp corners; it passed through my flesh like a moon chicken through contact solution (parochial idiom - dont worry if you dont understand - also dont worry about my lack of apostrophes).

Shortly thereafter I awoke - again (It was all a dream, can you believe it? Some say this is a cliched technique used only by the most hackneyed of writers; frankly, I agree.).

This experience led me to believe I needed to write a ToK blog. Perception and whatnot... blah blah.

Nothing rhymes with orange.

Nothing.